Driving myself insane these days, literally. There is so much going on in my life all at once that I just can’t deal with anything productively, it seems! The love of my life got stuck in Louisiana with Isaac. I still have no job, no source of income at all, and I’m not getting any positive response from any jobs I’ve applied to. Began divorce filings today, but still arguing about the details and really wanted an amicable resolution. No idea where I’ll be able to afford to move to without a job and with three kids to support. I
So here’s the deal — I’ve spent practically the entirety of my life living in fear of life and judgment, holding onto secrets that may or may not have been as secret as I believed them to be, and generally just living in a constant state of heightened awareness on the edge of flight. Never being able to truly relax, truly discover and be myself, never believing that it was possible to live any other way. I’ve had periods where I’ve convinced myself that I was relaxed, content, and happy — but I realize they were simply a coping facade.
Ok, I get it. Women are hormonal. PMS can be hell. But seriously, I’m sick and tired of crying every damn week before my period! Make it stop!!! TV commercials, random thoughts about family, or friends, or loved ones, pictures of babies, songs, movies — whatever — it makes me cry. It’s driving me insane! You’d think being on the Zoloft for my anxiety issues would help with this situation but it doesn’t seem to do a damn thing. In fact, I’m not sure my PMS was so weepy in my pre-Zoloft days. Though, I think I was much more