and a gazillion dollars short.
I fumbled the ball a bit, as I promised to aim for one post a week and here it is a day late. Not to make excuses, but I’ve been really, really, really drowning in overwhelming emotion lately, which may or may not be evident if you’ve peeped any of my other somewhat recent posts.
Still floundering but managing to get my chin up for air now and again. It’s difficult to maintain focus on any one thing with so much going on and so many crazy roller coaster rides running at triple speed in my head, but I’m here and I’m doing it.
Actually, I was just about to close my laptop and begin burrowing into my bed for the night when it dawned on me that I neglected to write a blog post of any sort this past week. Comfy PJs and snuggly microfiber blankie be damned, I made a commitment here and I’m going to do whatever I can to follow through.
Reality is, probably no one cares. That’s okay. I care. I care enough for everyone. I care too much. I care beyond the boundaries of normal caring.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking, obviously — what else does one do when they are in the pits of despair and on the verge of just letting go of the rope completely? — and sometimes I wish so much that I could not care, not feel, not think for a while. It seems impossible. Especially since I don’t really drink, or do any other drugs, save a few cigarettes a day. Well, and lots of ibuprofen and tylenol with some occasional alprazolam. Occasional because I’m afraid to take too much. Crazy.
Anyway, I don’t remember where I was going with that… Still trying to find a place to live affordably that isn’t in the middle of nowhere and will cost three times as much in gas, still trying to sort out what the heck I’m doing with my life as a whole.
Oh! And feeling really super hurt by the number of family members disgusted over Bill Cosby’s guilty verdict. So help me, if I have to hear one more person say that it’s stupid and she should have just gotten over it I’m going to go on a rampage. For real. What kind of stupidity leads people to believe that things like that don’t have the ability to mess people up to the very cores of their being?! So, yeah, angry about that.
Anyhoo… this seems relevant, because, well, because it is: