Buh-bye, Zoloft!

Today is day six since I decided to toss out the Zoloft. It worked well for a while (actually, I just looked back and it’s been almost exactly a whole year!) but in relation to my recent bout of insanely high anxiety, depression and non-stop crying spells, I figured maybe I should have listened when my doctor suggested taking a break. Fresh Xanax script on the ready though for fall back, but to be honest, I’ve pretty much just felt a little bit better each day since I’ve stopped taking it — so I haven’t needed the Xanax yet! At this point, I’m pretty sure it should be cleansed out of my system. I’ve been diligent with staying super-hydrated, which I’ve heard helps flush everything out.

This action, of course,  isn’t intended to discount the value of a good cry to release a boatload of pent-up emotions and the stress of always having to stuff everything down to be strong for everyone around you… but a good cry shouldn’t really last more than a day or so!

So I’m just about back to my usual ‘bring-me-your-problems-and-I’ll-be-your-rock’ self. Not sure whether that’s good or bad though because it’s precisely that that ends up leaving me feeling so much despair when I finally hit a fill point and find I have no one available to be MY rock. Sometimes that’s the part that makes me the absolutely saddest — feeling like I have no one to turn to for comfort. It’s the price I pay for being so selective with who I will trust, but at least I know that the few people I do are true friends, even if they can’t always be immediately here!

No, my anxiety issues aren’t cured. Zoloft isn’t/wasn’t a cure, it was a coping tool for a quick, temporary fix. I’m going back to trying to work on my self-paced CBT program, and I added myself to the wait-list for an excellent, well-renowned therapist who specializes in exactly my type of issues. Overall, I’m feeling pretty good about those decisions, even though self-affirmations make me feel kind of stupid… (uh, yea… LOL) I’m going to forge ahead and hope for the best. I just need to learn to be more gentle with myself, really. Stop beating the shit out of myself all the time over things I can’t really control.

I can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves and I need to stop feeling guilty over things. Guilt kills me. I know in my heart that I did everything I could, and the reality is, that’s all anyone can ever do.

Give it your all and what will be will be.


M.A.Young is driven by her love of words, passionate pursuit of knowledge, and desire for a more inclusive and accepting world. A survivor of childhood sexual abuse, she struggles daily with mental health issues including generalized and social anxiety, C-PTSD, depression, and self-worth.

She is the sole contributer to and founder of AnnotherVoice, a relatively unfocused blog originally created as a sounding board for the myriad of thoughts running through her mind. Her writing runs the gamut from fiction and poetry to current events and politics. She strongly encourages everyone to pay attention to the world around them and to vote!

M.A.Young has 176 posts and counting. See all posts by M.A.Young

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