Coronavirus – it’s a serious subject. But let’s be honest, with so much serious going around, a little comic relief is quite necessary. That’s all this is. So don’t go getting your panties in a bunch. 😉
I’ve done it. You’ve done it. We’ve all done it.
Fantasized about how wonderful life would be if we could just push the world aside and be free to spend all our moments with that one special someone.
Nowhere to go. No one to see. No appointments to get to. Just you and them. All day. Every day.
Cuddling on the couch watching movies. Playing around in the kitchen making meals. Entwined in each other’s arms whenever and wherever. Fully and completely focusing on each other. Having deep, meaningful conversations and just feeling connected on any and every level imaginable.
Then along came coronavirus and the dream came true.
Nowhere to go. Nothing to do. All of the day to spend with you-know-who.
What could go wrong?
The first few days, after getting all the necessities squared away, were kind of nice. They weren’t the fantasy exactly, but hey – fantasies are never realistic. If they were, then they wouldn’t be fantasies.
But it’s now day 38 of the stay-at-home order and I don’t know about anyone else but I’m been on the verge of detonation since around the 10-day mark.
This is too much togetherness. Too much listening to each other chew and swallow. Too much noticing how much time they waste. Too much listening to how often they complain. Too much listening to them breathe.
“Do you have to breathe so damn loud?”
“Would you rather I just stop breathing all together?”
“Didn’t you say you wanted to read that book you got last year? Why don’t you go do that – in the other room?” Yanno, give me a little space before I lose it completely and strangle you?
“Nah. Don’t really feel like it.”
The reality of the situation is hitting both of us. Along with some serious situational depression. None too helpful when there’s no escape in sight.
This relationship isn’t making it through this. It’s pretty much already over.
“What’s for dinner?”
She sucks her teeth disapprovingly. Yet another annoying thing I’ve heard way too much of these past 38 days. “Chicken, again?”
OMFG make your own gawdam dinner for once you lazy sob!
I’m not even responding to that insanely stupid question. She knows damn well that chicken was the only meat protein they were able to provide in our last curbside pickup grocery order. What the hell else did she think we were going to have? I can’t turn chicken into beef just like I can’t turn water into wine. Get a grip.
“You know what I could go for?” she asks while flipping through the live streaming channel guide. “Wings. Wings and a beer.”
I can feel my eyes roll into the back of my head. That’s still chicken! “Yea, well, I guess you could order takeout from somewhere.”
“You know I hate looking things up. Can you look and see who’s open for pick-up orders?”
No. Nope. I cannot. For the love of all things good and just, can you do something – anything – for yourself??
“Sure. Not like there’s anything better to do.”