Despondently Yours …

I would love to be here saying that during my recent absence I was prolifically productive: pounding at the keys, word after word, sentence after sentence, paragraph after paragraph. Alas, that is not the case.

Not even sure where my head is at this point. I am “un-ing” along. Unfeeling. Unaware. Uninspired. Unsure. Undead.

Going through the motions. Waking up each morning in a brain fog on autopilot.

Coffee. Feed dog. Take dog out. Smoke two cigarettes. More coffee. Log into work. Check on classes. Start work. Work. Work. Work. Schoolwork. Dinner. Sometimes more work or more schoolwork, sometimes TV to give myself a break from the computer.

Some days throw a couple errands into the mix, but basically, the same over and over.

No joy. No real variance. No feelings. No thoughts.

And I was fine with this because my bills are getting paid and I’m pulling good grades–my eye is on the prize. Everything else falls to the wayside.

Until it doesn’t. Until people start making demands for resources I don’t have available to give at the moment. Until I’m suddenly questioning my sanity and being guilted because I have nothing left to give.

Anyway, heard a piece called “Older” by Sasha Sloan on the Late Show with Stephen Colbert the other day and enjoyed it enough to check out her other songs. Enjoyed quite a few. Sharing “The Only” here today.

Love & Light

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