I hate the world today

I really think I do. It’s not the world’s fault specifically and admittedly, I’m sitting here with a narrower view than I wish I had. That’s generally par for the course for Americans so far as I can tell.

I took a bit of a break from the news cycles because I had so much going on in my personal life and needed to focus on getting myself and my immediate family a home in which to live. We’re settling in, still struggling but at least we have a home again.

This week’s news cycles have been pretty brutal from an emotional standpoint. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse who has been through the court system; in and out of counseling and therapy; continually struggled with depression, anxiety, trust issues, obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, fear of authority, suicidal ideations and so many other things, the range of emotions has been wild.

Any survivor who watched/listened to Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony [link is to full replay] knows she is speaking the painful truth. This is a woman who didn’t want to be thrust into the limelight — her “secret” letter to Sen. Dianne Feinstein requested confidentiality. A reasonable request — I’m a survivor, I do almost all of my writing under the guise of anonymity.

In the letter, sent back in July, Ford explains the uncomfortable juxtaposition of not wanting to discuss the assault but feeling guilt over withholding the information in relation to civic duty. Show me any survivor who has never grappled with a similar sense of self-preservation versus duty — hell, most people, survivors or not, can more than likely relate to such a juxtaposition.

I just cannot understand at all how anyone could even begin to accuse this woman of lying. What the hell benefit would it reap?

And I admit, wholeheartedly, that I am a bit stuck on this. I keep watching, reading, and listening. I keep finding myself in absolute awe of Dr. Ford’s incredible bravery. And I thank her. I thank her for taking the risks and speaking out, for giving a voice to survivors, for reminding us all that we deserve to be heard and that we matter.

Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, I believe you. Not only that, but I’m so proud of the strength, courage, and determination it took for you to reach out and share your story. No matter what happens going forward, you did what was good and what was right. No one can ever take that away from you because it’s yours. It’s part of history now — HERstory. And it was not for naught. You’ve made a difference. You’ve made an impact. You’ve been heard. It matters. You matter.

ALL Survivors Matter.

Time Magazine: How Christine Blasey Ford’s Testimony Changed America

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