Losing the war

It’s getting harder to wake up each morning, yet I continue to do so for my children more than anything. They’re almost all grown. Nowhere near ready to tackle life entirely on their own quite yet. I’m growing more hopeless and tired of struggling all the time. Every day. Every single day. Why is it so hard to get by in this world? Is it because I just can’t conform to the expectations of this ridiculous society in which we exist? Is it because I am ultimately unworthy? I can’t really seem to figure it out. I’ve continued to push

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Time for Therapy?

Yes, yes it is! Amidst all the other changes currently in process, I have opted to also throw in therapy. Year of change it is! I’m hopeful that 2012 essentially marks the beginning of my new life as a whole being. This isn’t my first go at therapy. I have been in and out, here and there, dabbling in various methodologies and modalities since I was about 12 years old. Never, ever once before did I emerge from my initial consult with as much a sense of hope and belief that this could possibly be one of the best choices

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School Daze

My kids are back to school. I’m back to school. As a workaround to my anxiety issues I opted to run like hell from the local community college I’ve been earning credits at over the years and give American Public University a go. So far, so good. Didn’t lose ANY credits, either — which is SWEET! Feeling a little better after taking the time to direct some anger where it belonged and a good (LONG) heart-to-heart with my best friend followed by a nice break from real life. Actually, I’m feeling a lot better. I’m an awful wreck when I

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Breakdown! Go Ahead and Give it to Me…

Medication, that is. Updating on the struggles of my communications course, it ended up just being too much of a trigger for me at this point and as a result I dropped it. I was really trying to push  myself, but the culture activity sort of sent me off on a whirlwind of emotional strife. I had a bit of a breakdown, spent nearly two weeks straight at peak anxiety levels, couldn’t talk myself into even going back to the class at all. Lots of tears, self-hate, and a bit of seriously negative wishing for an end to all this

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