Only everything. Seriously, everything. Everyone talks about it, fantasizes about it, reads about it, watches movies and television shows about it, dreams about it and wants it — LOVE. It’s the stuff that makes life worth living and dreams worth dreaming — that close, personal, intimate relationship. The kind where you can share any and every thing with that one special person and know that no matter what they are still going to want you, to need you, to love you. That they will neither pass judgment nor hold a grudge against you. Someone who trusts you and believes in
Tuesday was an interesting day here. I got notice that my divorce complaint was successfully filed and that I now needed to serve my husband and get him to sign an acceptance of complaint. In continuing to try to keep this civil and simple, I obviously served him myself. Directly after, I had to explain what it meant and what happens next because I honestly believe he has no clue. He’s so in denial of reality that he continues to insist that if I was truly being nice, I’d be working on staying together. Nope, sorry. I’ve done this pseudo-marriage
So here’s the deal — I’ve spent practically the entirety of my life living in fear of life and judgment, holding onto secrets that may or may not have been as secret as I believed them to be, and generally just living in a constant state of heightened awareness on the edge of flight. Never being able to truly relax, truly discover and be myself, never believing that it was possible to live any other way. I’ve had periods where I’ve convinced myself that I was relaxed, content, and happy — but I realize they were simply a coping facade.