Can’t take it

Seriously. I just can’t. I’m so tired. Why does everything have to be so f*cking hard? Why do I always feel so alone? Like I’ve got no one ever to lean on or talk to or depend on? I’m just so tired of this horseshit life. I’m angry and hurt and sad and so many things all at once. In two weeks it will have been 27 years since my mom passed away. I’m gonna be brutally honest about the fact that I’m still sad and angry about that even! Like, why the hell did she have to leave us

Advertisements
Read more

Losing the war

It’s getting harder to wake up each morning, yet I continue to do so for my children more than anything. They’re almost all grown. Nowhere near ready to tackle life entirely on their own quite yet. I’m growing more hopeless and tired of struggling all the time. Every day. Every single day. Why is it so hard to get by in this world? Is it because I just can’t conform to the expectations of this ridiculous society in which we exist? Is it because I am ultimately unworthy? I can’t really seem to figure it out. I’ve continued to push

Read more

Outside the Box

Staring at the page. I’ve been staring at the page a lot these days. Pretty much, that’s what I do — stare at the page. I don’t know where the heck the words are, but they certainly aren’t making it here. I’m stifled. Caged. Trapped. Paralyzed by life and the fears within. It’s beyond frustrating. It’s infuriating. Maddening. And sad — so sad. I feel stuck in the past — like my life is on instant replay. Different players but always the same game. I’m so tired of this game. So, so very tired. What is going on in my

Read more

Small Victories are Still Victories

Small though it may be to others, my biggest victory as of late is simply the ability to greet each new day fully prepared to try again. I am definitely in the midst of a low period and every day is a struggle. I don’t know when it will end, or what it will take to turn it around. There are so many things right now that feel wholly insurmountable, yet there has to be a way to make them happen — not only for myself and my state of mind, but for my entire family as well. When I

Read more

Breaking Point — Is this it?

Over qualified. Under qualified. Kiss my ass. I need a job! Job satisfaction? Who cares! A paycheck in and of itself is more than enough satisfaction at this point! Ridiculous! Officially nine months since I began looking for a new job (or any source of income at all, really) and still flailing. No job = No home. My divorce was final in December. I totaled my minivan in the same month. Used the bulk of my savings to buy a new car (well, not a brand new car, obviously!). Watching my fabulous credit score that I busted my ass to

Read more