Still Standing

“It’s been a long, long road this way But I’m still standing today, And I don’t care what anybody say, ‘Cause I’m still standing, I’m still standing today.” — Michael Franti & Spearhead – again. The past week or so I’ve probably played this song about 100 times or more. It’s uplifting. It’s motivating. It’s somehow comforting. I’m coming out of a fog that essentially smothered my entire life. The past 2-3 years I listened to practically no music at all. My audio library was filled with tons of songs, once powerful and meaningful to me, that irritated me to

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Oh my aching back

It’s been another long day here. I barely got my hours in for my regular work, let alone managed to do much related to my writing. Spent four hours basically sitting in the car (as a favor for family) and between that and the odd ways in which I contort myself every other day of the week in order to get things done, it’s definitely taking a toll on me. I’m in so much pain — the part of my back sort of between my shoulder blades and down the center — that I had to call upon one of

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I Have Not Forgotten

I’ve just been busy. Sounds like an excuse, doesn’t it? Yes, well. I currently have four posts in progress that I’m stressing over because, well, because I have anxiety and self-esteem issues and can pick apart just about every aspect of something each and every time I review it. Oh, wait, I can’t say it like that someone might think… or someone might take that the wrong way… this could trigger someone else… that sounds like I’m being mean…. And so forth and so on. Such is the way. These posts, like this one, are forcibly off the cuff. While

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Can’t take it

Seriously. I just can’t. I’m so tired. Why does everything have to be so f*cking hard? Why do I always feel so alone? Like I’ve got no one ever to lean on or talk to or depend on? I’m just so tired of this horseshit life. I’m angry and hurt and sad and so many things all at once. In two weeks it will have been 27 years since my mom passed away. I’m gonna be brutally honest about the fact that I’m still sad and angry about that even! Like, why the hell did she have to leave us

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Losing the war

It’s getting harder to wake up each morning, yet I continue to do so for my children more than anything. They’re almost all grown. Nowhere near ready to tackle life entirely on their own quite yet. I’m growing more hopeless and tired of struggling all the time. Every day. Every single day. Why is it so hard to get by in this world? Is it because I just can’t conform to the expectations of this ridiculous society in which we exist? Is it because I am ultimately unworthy? I can’t really seem to figure it out. I’ve continued to push

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