Seriously. I just can’t. I’m so tired. Why does everything have to be so f*cking hard? Why do I always feel so alone? Like I’ve got no one ever to lean on or talk to or depend on? I’m just so tired of this horseshit life. I’m angry and hurt and sad and so many things all at once. In two weeks it will have been 27 years since my mom passed away. I’m gonna be brutally honest about the fact that I’m still sad and angry about that even! Like, why the hell did she have to leave us
I’ve always loved the early morning hours when all was calm and quiet in my home. It has always been the best time to relax, sip my coffee, open up my laptop and write without any fear of disruption or questioning by anyone else who lives here. I gave my mornings up, for the most part. Tired of constantly being hounded about getting a “regular job,” yet again, despite knowing that “regular jobs” never work out because my anxiety levels hit the roof and I inevitably end up unable to handle the pressure, the worries, the thoughts, being out of
This morning my middle child – a senior in high school – broke down in the car before school. She’s stressed, overwhelmed and basically scared of the unknown after high school. Her entire educational career she has literally been a straight A student. I don’t think she has *ever* brought home a grade lower than a 92 on a report card. Tears streaming down her face, she says she just wants to fail school. She is stressed over everything — all the projects for school, college applications, financial aid processes, the seeming permanence of having to choose a career path.