I should be working right now. Money is, afterall, the only thing it seems one needs to get by in this world. But I’m distracted and have a million and one things battling inside my head. So much that I want to say and do. Yet I sit here, fingers poised over the keyboard, unable to find the words or put them together in a way that makes sense. Another million thoughts start whizzing around. The anxiety stifles output. I’m so tired of anxious thoughts. So tired of questioning myself at every moment of every day. So tired of always
Ok. So, I’m situated on the couch today, trying desperately to find a transcription file that isn’t total hell to work on in the middle of a feeding frenzy due to recent shortages in the work queue, so that I can earn at least a couple of bucks this week, and, I’m going to be honest, I’m failing miserably. Files are flying off the queue and coming back repeatedly due to difficult audio and accents and I’m basically getting nowhere. Next browser tab (because, really, who ever doesn’t have a million open tabs at any given time these days?!), I
Yet another reason dealing with the public sucks! Day two of training and my throat starts to hurt and burns a little. It feels weird to swallow. The pain and feeling of my throat closing up gradually increases. Finally at home, aching ears, sneezes and stuffy/runny nose each arrive, one at a time, to join the party. Oh yay. It’s official. I’m sick. The current situation: Getting ready to drag my behind back for day three. Can’t wait! ::eye roll:: Love those rampant germs.
I’m feeling the strain especially hard these days. The contract work I’ve been doing the past year or two has fizzled out and the bank account is working its way down to zero — yet the bills continue to accrue. The simple fact that I need to find another way to bring in some money in order to continue to live is obviously presenting itself as yet another stressor in regard to my already moderate to severe anxiety levels. I think I’ve mentioned in the recent past that I am back on medication (sertraline HCI – the generic equivalent of Zoloft®),
I follow a lot of motivational pages on Facebook these days, and considering my high anxiety status, it is probably no surprise! This morning, as I was scrolling through my feed I was drawn to a “You ARE Enough” quote pic: and it got me thinking — just what does it take to create a habit? According to some quick searches, it certainly isn’t simply a few weeks. In fact, it can apparently take up to the better part of year in order to create a habit. Pretty daunting, especially considering today’s instant gratification mindset. The world is moving so