Can’t take it

Seriously. I just can’t. I’m so tired. Why does everything have to be so f*cking hard? Why do I always feel so alone? Like I’ve got no one ever to lean on or talk to or depend on? I’m just so tired of this horseshit life. I’m angry and hurt and sad and so many things all at once. In two weeks it will have been 27 years since my mom passed away. I’m gonna be brutally honest about the fact that I’m still sad and angry about that even! Like, why the hell did she have to leave us

Advertisements
Read more

Losing the war

It’s getting harder to wake up each morning, yet I continue to do so for my children more than anything. They’re almost all grown. Nowhere near ready to tackle life entirely on their own quite yet. I’m growing more hopeless and tired of struggling all the time. Every day. Every single day. Why is it so hard to get by in this world? Is it because I just can’t conform to the expectations of this ridiculous society in which we exist? Is it because I am ultimately unworthy? I can’t really seem to figure it out. I’ve continued to push

Read more

Full Plate = Tons o’ Stress

Hustling to get a steady income coming in again, constant job searching, wedding planning, pushing the kids to get their schoolwork finished for the year… now add: mega cleaning, yard prepping (so our landlord can show the property to potential new tenants), packing to move, registering the kids for regular public school for next school year, getting them set with school clothes and supplies… I think I’m going to go mad. My stress/anxiety levels are through the roof! How does it always end up being everything all at once? Obviously, wedding planning is going to take a backseat for the

Read more

Playing Catch-Up … again

Let myself slide quite a bit over the past few months on this little blog of mine. So once again, I’m driving by to play a little game of catch-up! I’m just about finished with my first three courses since deciding (again!) to go back to school. It’s been interesting, to say the least. Definitely struggling with — okay, maybe struggling isn’t exactly the right descriptive word, more like stressing, worrying, stressing some more, crying, quitting, panic attacking, shutting down over — writing assignments, research papers, forum postings and peer responses. Overall though I’m managing to chug along. As usual,

Read more

Breaking Point — Is this it?

Over qualified. Under qualified. Kiss my ass. I need a job! Job satisfaction? Who cares! A paycheck in and of itself is more than enough satisfaction at this point! Ridiculous! Officially nine months since I began looking for a new job (or any source of income at all, really) and still flailing. No job = No home. My divorce was final in December. I totaled my minivan in the same month. Used the bulk of my savings to buy a new car (well, not a brand new car, obviously!). Watching my fabulous credit score that I busted my ass to

Read more