Too Much Compartmentalization?

Feeling very much like my life is so piecemeal it’s impossible.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately: how compartmentalized it’s become.

Sometimes compartmentalizing can be a good thing, sometimes not so much.

A coping mechanism?
A tool to succeed?
A method to hide?

If it hasn’t been somewhat obvious, amongst my many issues lurks childhood trauma. Too often, I feel moved or motivated to share about that and I have to stop myself. Why? Well, for starters, there are members of my family who would be hurt to hear the truth and I just can’t do that to them.

The funny part about that is what it does to me. Keeping everything to myself and trying to get along with “extended family me,” “immediate family me,” “relationship me,” “me me,” “writer me,” and so on leaves me feeling like I am constantly struggling to please everyone but myself. Always weighing the pros and cons and always choosing for the greater immediate good rather than for my own mental health. There are little pieces of me scattered all about and lately I’m just sitting here wondering if I wouldn’t be better served by pulling them all in together and finally being able to feel whole.

What’s any of that mean? I don’t freaking know. I really don’t.

M.A.Young

M.A.Young is driven by her love of words, passionate pursuit of knowledge, and desire for a more inclusive and accepting world. A survivor of childhood sexual abuse, she struggles daily with mental health issues including generalized and social anxiety, C-PTSD, depression, and self-worth.

She is the sole contributer to and founder of AnnotherVoice, a relatively unfocused blog originally created as a sounding board for the myriad of thoughts running through her mind. Her writing runs the gamut from fiction and poetry to current events and politics. She strongly encourages everyone to pay attention to the world around them and to vote!

M.A.Young has 176 posts and counting. See all posts by M.A.Young

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