Working with Anxiety: Arrrgghhhh

I’m feeling the strain especially hard these days. The contract work I’ve been doing the past year or two has fizzled out and the bank account is working its way down to zero — yet the bills continue to accrue. The simple fact that I need to find another way to bring in some money in order to continue to live is obviously presenting itself as yet another stressor in regard to my already moderate to severe anxiety levels.

I think I’ve mentioned in the recent past that I am back on medication (sertraline HCI – the generic equivalent of Zoloft®)‎, but I have to be honest and say that I’m not really feeling any benefit. Situationally, depression is creeping back in exacerbating the underlying anxiety and I’m left feeling incredibly hopeless, useless, and like a complete failure as a parent, a wife and a human being in general.

Working with anxiety disorders isn’t easy. Working from home has traditionally been my go-to work-a-round to that struggle. In this day and age one would think that finding suitable work to do from home, what with the current state of technology and the vast reach of the internet, would be a lush, robust growing garden from which to pluck the perfect opportunities, BUT in practice it just doesn’t seem to be the case. I’ve visited my traditional source websites in search of potential income only to find that phone work is what is largely abundant. I cannot do phone work. The thought of doing phone work sends me into a tizzy. I have social anxiety with phone anxiety, some generalized anxiety (which I honestly feel like is only worsening as I age), a touch of what I can only imagine is some sort of obsessive-compulsive disorder, irritable bowel syndrome and secondary depression (which worsens seasonally — winter is generally hell).

Out of desperation I turned to the trusty Google and asked: “How to make money when you have anxiety?”

First five results:

So, what I know is: I’m not alone! It’s not really any consolation though and won’t do me any good when the borough comes around threatening to shut off the water and sewer.

frustrated-face

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